Shane, Mother F'ing Battier...


This guy is killing it right now.

This guy is a Duke Robot Machine.  He has his degree in Religious Studies.  He should be running for Congress.  What is he doing instead?  Winning an NBA Championship.

He waits in the tall grass like he would against any ACC team back in the day, waiting to school you in basketball fundamentals.  He out hustles you, and then has time to do your taxes.

According to ESPN's Player Profile of Battier, he is getting too consistent.  Damnit, he's taking away the glory of Harden's Sixth Man award, and saying, "This one's for coach," as he scrambles into a festering group of pressmen, trying with all his might and Krzyzewski training to save a ball.  He rebounds, he runs plays with uber efficiency, and did I mention would probably open the car door for me without hesitation.  I'm beginning to wonder if he's married...But I digress.


I've seen this Battier.  He has taken his basketball IQ to the extremes of which I can imagine him "Z-ing" the ball after a rebound, similar to my high school varsity days, but as me, a 6'8", 225 lbs man.  Pretty hot - me in a men's x-tra large t-shirt that gave me the equivalent of wings in order for me to soar by fickle presses and end with a reverse lay up.  I don't know how "lay up" is actually spelled, doesn't make me any less of a baller does it?  I bet Jalen Rose doesn't know how to spell it.


From 4.8 points in the regular season, to now 7.0 in the PS, it doesn't seem like much, but with Bosh on board now, Miami is going to win this thing, and it's not just because of Superman and Batman.  Instead it's one, often in tears Bosh, a Miami politician in training Battier, an understanding and former Finals MVP Wade, and finally greatness, whether people are still sour about Cleveland, it doesn't matter because he's a Ferrari and everyone else is a Ford Focus LeBron.


Back to Battier.  Mark my words, Erik Spoelstra is thanking H&R Block and NASA for donating Shane Battier to his program.  He's an android; bionic and brilliant.  Give him a pocket knife, a granola bar, and a parachute, and I'm certain Bear Grylls would shake in his cargo shorts.


I heart you Battier.  Be my tour guide if I ever make it to Miami.  Love fest, the end.


Hayley